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My boyfriend of 4 years doesn’t want to marry me…


I have a boyfriend, we first started dating when I was 26 and he was 29. I’m now 30 and he’s 33. I have invested 4 years of my life into this man and our relationship. We are both working here in Lagos, not great paying jobs, and we have been living together as well for 3 years now.

When we first started dating, after the first 2 years together, this guy gave me a promise ring that we were going to get married once he finished his M.Sc programme. This was in 2014.

This, according to him, was because getting a job is so tough for graduates with just B.Scs and he didn’t want to join the hustle. Hence the need for upgrade and he wanted to do it with less distractions.

I understood his reasons and stayed with him. By that time too I was rounding up with my NYSC programme. I’ve been long done with service, started working and have been patiently waiting for my man to come take me to the altar. No show.

Several of our close friends have gotten married, and even started making babies. I’m envious of their lives. No show still.

Six months ago though, out of the blues, he fixed a date and formally introduced me to his family as his fiancee/wife and I was fully accepted by them. My joy knew no bounds. But after that, marriage talks died again.

My man keeps telling me to hold on, that he just wants to land his dream job before we get married.

Just 2 days ago, I was dealt a big blow – my guy came back home. After dinner, time for bed, he fell on his knees and in tears asked me to please give him 3 more years. That he just found out he needs a professional certificate to get the edge he needs to get the high paying job that he wants. That he needs to get a better job before he weds so that I and our future kids won’t suffer. Infact he has already registered for the programme and wants me to approve it because he needs my patience and understanding.

I couldn’t believe my ears! 3 more years, I will be 33 years old. What the heck is this man talking about?? Sincerely, I didn’t know when I flipped! I was so angry that I blasted him, his stupid pursuit for wealth and rained abuses on him.

I was working, he was working. Yes, we aren’t earning so much but this is something he can conveniently do even while we are married.  4 years of my life has been invested in this relationship, how could he selfishly want me to add 3 more years to it?

I was so mad to even think he came begging for me to understand that I screamed out: ”If you don’t want to marry me again, just LET ME KNOW! I went into full time screaming mode, banging doors and cursing. In reaction, he left the house for me. I was devastated.

 It’s been 48 hours now, I haven’t heard from my boyfriend. No calls, no text. I feel sad, angry, and confused. How I reacted, was it wrong? I don’t want to split up, to think I have wasted 4 years of my life. I don’t want to put my life on hold either for another 3 years! Dear Lord!

What should I do next?


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